As "Moving Day" nears, I find myself asking, "Why move?" One moves for many reasons. It could be a newly presented opportunity, fresh start, or a desire to move on and away from something that is unhealthy. I guess you could also be evicted. So, before I freak everyone out thinking that the Family Dawes is pulling up stakes again, I'll gratefully explain what I mean by "Moving Day".
I used to really enjoy Facebook. I mean really. It really started out as such a great way to keep up with family and friends and was a breath of fresh air from only being able to connect and network by using MySpace. Sorry Tom. I am not your friend anymore but don't worry, I am also not Mark Z's friend anymore, either.
Where did it go wrong for me? I'm probably not alone in my distaste for FB's direction and how it is being used not only by the d-bags that own it but also by the one's who use it. I do understand that social networking sites do have to make money but some of the ideas are really poorly presented. For instance: I want to make sure that my post for my wisdom tooth extraction doesn't get buried under posts for game invites, eCard shares, pictures of cats in compromising positions, pictures of T&A, etc. What's FB's solution? Promote your "Wisdom Tooth Extraction" for just $7! This is just one of the things.
Facebook encourages what I like to call the "Online Pissing Contest". Where else can you check in at David Bowie's apartment, or the burnt down site of Club 54, conjugal visit at the local prison, or my favorite dentist for that tooth extraction! If I don't take a picture of my Garlic Pesto Chicken with Tomato Penne Pasta (I should try to make that instead of the Hamburger Helper.), does that mean that I fabricated what I made for dinner that night? If I didn't check in at the Oklahoma State Penitentiary, does that mean that I didn't engage in clandestine conjugal visits and took in the Prison Rodeo afterward? Yuck and no, it does not. Last, if I don't post a picture of some crafty little item I've made, does my creativity cease to exist? I think not. Both Facebook and Pinterest has got most people driving themselves insane to perform and create things that are post-worthy and pin-worthy. Get real. I love the candid pictures of my friends' and family's children where you didn't quite get all the boogers out of their nose and your living room in the background is a FEMA disaster. Why? It's real! If you know ME well enough, you know that I am a beautiful hot mess, why exaggerate?
Whenever I log into Facebook, I get a sensation...wait, I've gotta finish this York Peppermint Patty, okay, not a sensation but it's like driving through your neighborhood. Your friends are your neighbors and it's like each of them have their own marquee sign attached to their house that displays whatever is going on. Drive past and you'll see "Baby cut a tooth", "I question the validity of eggplant", and "Ugh, this job is driving me crazy!". It's now turned into, "Check out this eCard", "Too busy playing Lothar of the Hill People, join me and I'll give you a free axe!" "Honk if you love Jesus or just keep driving past my house if you're a Satan-loving, child-murdering, adulterous heathen."....you get it, I'm sure. Also, where it used to just be a neighborhood, it's now plagued with huge billboards such as "Stacey looked up 'How to cure flatuence' on the internet", "Stacey looked up 'How to convince your family that milk that expired 4 days ago is still good, even with chunks in it." and "Stacey is a regular on Snopes because her neighbors keep posting dumbass hoaxes." This hood has gone bad. Time to move and I believe my family has found our new address.
